I've been back in the States for little over a week now, although it's already beginning to feel like it's been a long time. I've already had the chance to catch up with a lot of family and friends and it's been good seeing their faces again and hearing what I missed. Back to Texas! Back to Austin beards and moustaches. Back to what would be winter but instead is eternal spring! Open land!....and driving. The first few days back I definitely felt the "shock" in reverse culture shock, but we'll see how that plays out. It's interesting feeling like a foreigner in a familiar place.
Luckily, one of my closest friends and I split a cab on the way to Ezeiza. As it was already a gloomy, rainy day as we made our way past the Obelisco and onto Autopista 25 de Mayo, it was good to share our last moments in the city together. Otherwise, I'm positive I would've been lamentably sulking and maybe trying to talk the taxi driver into trading places. On the plane to the States, I sat next to an Argentine who was doing his PhD in the states and we talked a lot about the city (his hometown), the country, and the southern side of the world. It was comforting at that point to still be connected to Buenos Aires in some way. Like the time I was stuck in an airplane full of Argentines due to bad weather for a few hours, I felt at home around all the "che's" and fashionably dressed older women making their way to relatives for the holidays. As we split ways upon arriving in Dallas, we naturally bid eachother farewell with a beso on the cheek. On the next plane ride I took, from Dallas to Houston, I would hear even fewer "vos", "sos" and "j" sounding spanish, when I did hear castellano.
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| Callie and I at Ezeiza |
It's hard to describe the way I feel about being back at this point. I didn't expect to resume everything as normal upon returning and I expected things, people, places to change. I knew I would change as a person. After all, how can you expect not to? But there's a certain momentum that I built when I was living in Argentina that I want to carry on here, that I'm absolutely terrified of losing. In a way, it corresponds with losing the language. My biggest fear is that I'll forget castellano, and even lose my argentine accent. I keep envisioning that the next time I see Vickie when she comes to visit NYC, we will lose our ability to communicate in spanish completely. To this end, friends beware, I've been immersing myself in the same songs and books I was listening to/reading in Argentina. Also, sorry I'm not sorry, but I'll be blasting MEGA MUSICA 101.1 from my car windows now, fellow road patrons.
I dont want to lose the mindset I've acquired after living in Buenos Aires for so long. I'm not so ready to regain the overly time-conscious and sometimes anxious nature that seems present here. I mean, I just like my sobremesa, that is all!
I've really begun to understand how intricately linked are culture and language. For one thing, I have a firm belief that the friendly, buena onda in Latin America is in a big way sustained by the way people greet eachother and the use of colloquial phrases in spanish. My study abroad friends and I have had many discussions over whether or not Argentines are really a friendly crowd in general. I've gotten so used to walking into a place, saying "Hola, como estas?" and actually proceeded to carry out a conversation more than I ever would've before in the United States. Also, I love that it is customary to say goodbye to people on your way out of a store, shop, restaurant. Sure it seems simple and small, but really, how often do you wave goodbye to your local cashier at the grocery store? Or maybe it's not that the people are more friendly, but that they are just more comfortable with being welcoming/social to strangers. Or maybe I'm mistaken. But to me, they smile more. They're more funny. (I suppose the neverending battle for monedas will always keep us grinning.) Even "nos vemos" which translates as "see you soon" carries a different cultural weight that isn't personified by just the translation. They just seem to mean it more when they say it and they have more time to do so. I miss talking to the people of Buenos Aires, around Buenos Aires. I tried to strike up a conversation with the lady at my doctor's office but she seemed a bit busy, and proceeded to hand me my forms to fill out. This sort of situation seems to be happening too much to me lately. That's reverse culture shock.
In truth, I'm not so afraid of forgetting everything. I just have to keep moving on. "I feel like I've just broken up with someone I really cared for," I keep telling my friends. As far as the feeling goes, that is the closest to explaining how I feel. I know Argentina will always be a part of me. It wasn't just a dream! Now a matter of where to go next...
Besitos Argentina. Nos vemos pronto, seguro.
